Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
