I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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