Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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