If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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