How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
She just used a chaser for red wine.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
