We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
