At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
