smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
