her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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