it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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