my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
