her facebook's as public as her vagina
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
