i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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