Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
