whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
