my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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