Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
