Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
