just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
