Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Are my feet made of real feet?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
