Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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