Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
