it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
