My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
