didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
