worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
