is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
