No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Less talking, more tequila
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
