I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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