Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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