he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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