I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
