I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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