You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The best revenge is premature balding
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm too high and old for this...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
