So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
