My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
