i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
