You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
