I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
