I'll bet she douches with gravy.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
