y did u give ur computer a hand job?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
