what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
