sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
