All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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