Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
