i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
