I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
