he wants to bone in the snuggie
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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