you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
