On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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