ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
