wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
